Size Doesn't Matter

“How did an old, ugly gringo like me get a tall, and slender, and extremely exotic and sexy woman like you?” I said. “You’re not a blonde either, which surprises me too. You’re not even American.”

“Cierto. Tuviste suerte, Vaquero.” She laughed. “You were lucky for sure, Cowboy.”

She was right. I was lucky to have a woman that was an exotic mixture of races--Spanish, Black, and Indian. She is Colombian, and my marriage to her made a column I had just read more poignant for me.

“I just read something by a black woman,” I said to the Colombiana. "A woman named Jessica Bennett."

“Was she beautiful,” the Colombiana said.

“I don’t know. Miss Bennett addressed the problem black women have finding a husband. She wrote about how maybe black women might want to consider marring a white guy.”

“I married one.” She laughed. "A gringo."

“Yes you did. Jessica wrote that she doesn´t believe that successful black women should feel guilty about abandoning the pool of black men and broadening their horizons.”

“Well, I don’t either,” the Colombiana said.

“She also quotes Stanford law professor Ralph Richard Banks, who takes on the black middle-class in his a new book, Is Marriage for White People?: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone:  black women who are out pacing their male peers to a degree more pronounced than in any other racial group.

“I wouldn’t marry a Colombian again no matter what color his skin was,” she said.

“Good," I said. "I have not read Mr. Banks´ book, but I see the problems beautiful women of color face daily in finding a suitable man not only in America, but in Colombia too. I´ve no doubt that a well-educated black woman has a much easier time in today’s job market than a black guy with a high school education or who dropped out.”

“I wouldn’t marry a dropped out,” she said.

“Miss Bennett quotes from Mr. Bank's book that twice the number of black women graduate from college as do black men,” I said. “He asked also controversially what black woman wants to marry down?”

“I don’t think marrying a gringo was marrying down,” she said.

“Maybe not. I am not saying that marrying a well-educated white guy is a better solution,” I said. “I say just pick out a partner that offers the best possible qualities for a long-term relationship.”

“I know why you picked me, David.” She laughed. “It wasn’t because I’m a great cook, even though I am.”

"Of course it was because you are a great cook,” I said. “Sex had nothing to do with picking a beautiful exotic woman!”

“You blush when you are lying, David.” She laughed.

 “Well, from an old white gringo’s point of view,  a well-educated, self-assured, tall woman like you is very desirable.” I laughed. “The problem is do you find an old white guy like me attractive?”

“Well...,” she said looking me over.

“The point Jessica and Mr. Banks make is that middle class, well-educated black women should consider marrying a white man, even if we can’t dance.” I laughed. “You do find me attractive don’t you?”

“I’m still looking you over.” She laughed. “You’re not too bad.”

 “I find tall and slender women attractive, and tall and slender black women even more so. I like the way they look. I like their almond shaped eyes. I like their hair. I like the color of their skin especially the café con leche color of your skin. I don´t want them to be white, to look white, to act white. Strong, black, good looking, well educated, tall, slender, sexy, and exotic women do not intimidate me. Well, not too much!” I said.

“You think I am beautiful, and sexy and strong,” she said.

 “I do. What I like about being with a none-white, none-traditional strong self-reliant multi-racial woman like you is that my life is a lot bigger for sharing your cultural and racial differences,” I said.

“What did you say?” she said.

“That you are beautiful,” I said, “and that I like the challenge of measuring up to your expectations of commitment and promise that you hold me too.”

“You better.” She laughed. “Or I’ll kill you.”

“I am lucky to be here in Colombia with you, and I know it. I look back on the little safe middle class white man´s world that I had before I met you, and I see it for the little boring play golf on Sunday life that it was,” I said.

“I am glad you are here in Colombia too,” she said. “I am glad I took a chance on a white guy. Dancing isn’t everything, and size doesn’t matter. At least it doesn’t matter to me. Should it?”

“Size doesn’t matter?” I said. “The size of what?”