I always read a Sunday column that Esther Balac writes. I
like the name of her column, Sex with Esther.
In last Sunday´s El Tiempo, Esther asked why don´t men think
about more than sex? "Could it be true? Is sex all we think about?” I asked
myself.
I tried to remember why I did the other one percent, but the driving
force behind ninety-nine percent my mess-ups was clear: Sex will make a guy do stuff he doesn’t want to do. He’ll
help out around the house, pretend to like poetry, take long walks holding hands,
say I love you a dozen times a day, and do all kind of other romantic stuff
to get to the only thing he is thinking about.
Esther, along with a couple of other experts she
quoted, had some theories. One such expert,
Sheridan Smove, had spent a lifetime investigating men and how they think, and had us all figured out.
Sheridan´s book, What Every Man Thinks about Apart
from Sex, sold more copies than the De Vinci Code though
Amazon.com. . The book detailed exactly what men
think about aside from sex.
It has two hundred blank pages. There’s not one letter on a
single page! I was offended, but had no rebuttal to Sheridan´s book. My mind drew
a blank. A million or more women bought her book with two hundred blank pages
for nine bucks plus shipping. What the hell were those women thinking? My mind
draws another blank.
Louann Brizendine, an expert on the
structure and phycology of the human brain quoted by Esther, also had firm conclusions
about what men think about apart from sex. She believed men have lúbricos thoughts.
According to Ms. Brizendine Men
think about fucking almost anything at any time without moral restraint, and to
top it off, we imagine ourselves in bed with a woman only after one single
glimpse at her ass. The word she used in Spanish is alucinar which
means an irresistible attraction that is all consuming: three times more than
women, according to this neuroscientist.
In her book, The Masculine Brain,
she concluded that this was why we men had a propensity to make dirty jokes and
populate our speech with sexual innuendos. I disagreed. Sex is no joking
matter!
I did agree that the brains of men and women are different
form conception. Like brains of crocodiles, our brains are masculine or
feminine because of how much heat is produced in the nest before we are hatched.
Of course, Louann had different ideas. She believed that it was because women´s
brains have more space for emotions and sentimental memory than do the brains
of us others.
Louann said that women live for romance and talk all the time because they
have a third more neurons dedicated to communication and this big empty space
reserved for romance. I concurred; the space reserved for romance in a woman´s
brain is big and is really empty. And of
course there´s that silliness about testosterone that predominates in the male
of the species. I liked my heat theory better.
Ether´s conclusion: she didn´t mind men thinking
about nothing apart from sex at all; especially, if she were the subject of all
that thinking. I look forward to next week's column.
